ponies and pretty shit.

(Warning: this post is going to suck absurd amounts of dick, try not to off yourself in the midst of reading it :p.)

California is similar to Tulsa, except better in every way that you could possibly imagine.You got your ocean, tan adequately robust dudes playing football on the beach half naked, and in April its still hot enough to halfway give you a stroke. Its truly beautiful here. everything is beautiful, and for once i can't find a reason to be a Debby downer. And me lacking my usual I hate the world demeanor, Usually results in something wacky.   I ran into Ryan's room in the wee hours of the morning because the mornings were pretty great in California and I didn't want to waste it. I took a pillow and smacked her in the head with it. She mumbled something sleepily and turned over in her cocoon of blankets. "Get up Rhy! There's fun to be had man." I yelled as i jumped on top of her lifeless body. Rhyan lifted her head just enough to see her alarm clock. "7:30? You've got to be kidding me..." She moaned with a sigh. "Either you get up now or so help me God I will drag you all the way to the boardwalk by your toes." I insisted. It wasn't until i had to physically yank her off the bed that she agreed to stop being lame and come. Rhyan got ready, and with a number of  "DAWN SHUT UP ITS TO EARLY FOR YOUR MOUTH!"s from everyone who was sleeping in the house we were out the door. Rhyan  Incessantly asked me where we were going, why she needed to be dragged out of bed, yada yada. I just smiled, smoking my cigarette and enjoying the flawless warmth of the weather as we made it down the boardwalk. I stopped walking in front of a tattoo shop. "Oh hell no." She said with a look confirming she thought I was crazy. "Dude were in California. If your ever going to get a tattoo, You got to get it here, Cali has the best tattoo shops in the states." I used as my argument. 20 minutes later I convinced her it was a good idea and we went in.

The result:

Okay i'm totally busting your balls 

Me:

 Rhyan:

YAY FOR IMPULSION!!!

I'll be holding all the tickets, and you'll be owning all the fines

It was 3:30 am, and sleep didn't really seem like an eligible option. I just got back from a poker game at the Shepards house and i was still a little drunk. scratch that, it was an incontestable fact that i was piss drunk and managing to make it to my house in one piece was a blessing. I tossed around in my bed for a good half hour. "fuck!" i whisper- yelled to myself. I got up, put on some jeans,( first backwards, then tried again), a sweatshirt and some shoes and proceeded to sneak out the backdoor. usually, i would tell hunter or johnny i'm leaving, but i knew id be back in an hour and i knew they would antagonize me with questions if i had told them. I wrote a note and left it on my bed, i didn't want them to freak out over nothing. I cut through my neighbors yard and hopped the fence behind the Brumleys apartment building. i climbed up the fire escape to Caleb's room. The window was open, typical of him. His theory is if someone tries to rob him, he'll hear them coming before they even get up the fire escape.  I looked in through the window and sure enough I find a shirtless Caleb at the edge of his bed with a pistol in his hand. "if i had a nickel for every time Caleb Brumley pulled a gun on me at 3 in the morning, id be bill gates." I said wryly, as i climbed into his room."Jesus Christ, i'm gonna land up shooting your head off one of these days, cant you ever call first?" Caleb sighed and put the pistol back under his mattress and laid back down. i laughed."well that wouldn't be any fun, now would it?" I climbed into his bed and sat on top of him. "your to out of the blue for me. I kill people for there spontaneous actions."  He said with a half smile. He opened his mouth as if to keep talking and i put my finger over it."Shhh." I pulled off my sweatshirt and tossed it somewhere in his room. Caleb bit his lip and looked me up and down. it took a matter of 5 minutes and my legs were wrapped around him as he had me on his dresser pushed up against the wall. He pulled my hair back and bit my neck.  I really contradict myself when it comes to certain things. I would say i'm a bit of a feminist and hate when men try to impose a patriarchal dominance over woman, yet i don't mind when Caleb looks at me like a piece of meat. I don't know, maybe my libido is just kind of fucked up. I land up in Caleb's room probably half the nights i'm drunk. Sex with Caleb is just that, sex. We don't make it anything else. Its rough and hot, but personal emotions are never there. after we were through, we smoked a cigarette in his bed, like we always did. I turned and faced him. His grey wolf eyes were illuminated by the moon. He really is terrifying and handsome all at the same time. Covered in tattoos with a malicious half smile that never could determine exactly what he was thinking. His looks matched his reputation to a tee. "what? is it time for you to leave me now?" I smirked. "i don't know, what time is it?" He looked at his watch. "quarter after 5"  I sat up and took off his t shirt and grabbed my sweatshirt. "you always do this. you cant stay any longer?" I stared at him for a minute then kissed his cheek. "You know i cant" He stared at me with a puzzled face. I hoped out the window, down the fire escape and over the fence. i opened my back door and walked in quietly. "Where were you?" Hunter said, sitting on the first step of my staircase.  i jumped "ugh don't do that, you scared the shit out of me." i said, holding my chest. "answer my question." He said with a serious face. "I was at the bar." I said trying to sound convincing. Hunter hated the Brumleys, literally hated them. He always said they were the scum of the earth who did dirty things to people. He wasn't completely off. "That's funny, because I called buck about 10 minutes ago and he said you weren't there all night. Dawn I swear to God if you were with one of those brumley boys.." He said with his eyes closed. "Honestly Hunter, just stay the fuck out of my business like i stay out of yours." i said as i started to walk past him up the steps. Hunter stood up from the steps and walked out the door. I followed him and stood on the front porch. "where are you going?!"  I yelled to him. "Where do you think i'm going, I'm gonna go kick their asses." He said, being completely serious. "All of them?" I said doubtfully. "yup" he said, as he kept walking. "are you demented?!" I yelled. but he was to far to hear me. Sometimes i think he only has 2 functioning brain cells. I called Owen shortly after. "Hey Owen? Can you go retrieve your idiot from the Brumley residence? He thinks hes gonna go kick all of their asses. Owen laughed  and said alright, hes used to hunters shenanigans by now. I thanked him and went up to my room. 20 minutes later I got a call from Owen. "Is he in one piece?" I asked jokingly "Dawn meet me at the hospital, Hunter got shot."

up with the bottle, and down with the beer

I woke up with a hangover that was pounding at my head like a sludge hammer. I forced my half dead, nautious body to the bathroom. i dared to glance at the mirror and as i suspected, i  looked like the aftermath from spending a week in new orleans for mardi gras. "how you feelin?" asked a hungover Johnny in the doorway. "to sum it up, i feel like 20 people took turns beating the shit out of me." Hunter was sleeping, as usual on a saturday morning until around 3:30, you couldnt wake the kid up with a freekin blow horn. "hey, you wanna fuck with hunter?" i said with a crafty smirk. "what else would i want to be doing on a saturday morning?" Me and Johnny bond by torchering my older brother until he looses his mind, its actually a talent we've acquired. We crept up to hunters room like ninjas and opened the door slowly. He was as good as dead with one leg and arm dangling off the bed with a bottle of jack daniels in his other hand. I looked at Johnny. "whats the game plan?" he thought for a minute. "lets tape him to his matress and then flip that shit!" i smiled. "devious. i like it. go get the tape." Johnny tiptoed back into the room and we began ducttaping Hunter down to the matress tightly. We both went on one side of the bed. "do the honors." I nodded. "1..2....3" the matress flipped over and Hunter woke in a stupor. He layed on the floor for a bit, trying to analyze the situation. and  then the moment me and johnny waited for, the cursing began.  "What the fuck! im going to strangle you two!" Hunter yelled as he struggled to get the tape off. "Stop being so sassy. atleast we didnt shave your eyebrows again." I smiled, snatched the jack off the floor and me and Johnny booked it to the park almost keeling over in laughter.
So basically for the next 2 hours me and Johnny walked around town aimlessly. Stopping at stupid places like Bobs discount furniture. Then we got kicked out for running across the matresses, apparently thats tampering with the merchandise. "whatever Johns, that place was lame anyway" I said as i lit up a cigarette outside of the store. I looked at my phone and it was 4:45. "shit!" I started jogging down the street. "Where are you going!?" Johnny yelled. "I got to go grab Steve! Our meeting is in 15 minutes!" You shouldnt be late to AA meetings. your already there for a bad reason so you might as well be prompt. Steve Bre and Soda were hangin around the DX kickin around a coke can outside the garage. "Im goin to stop givin you rides kid, were supposed to be there already." Steve said smiling when he saw me. "Yea,yea. Just start the car Randle." I hopped into the front seat and we sped off. In the parking lot, I pulled out the bottle of jack daniels i had got from Hunter and took a generous swig. "woah look whos prepared. let me get some of that." I handed the bottle to Steve and we passed it back and forth every couple sips. "God i hate talkin to these people man, i dont even know them why do i got to open up to them." steve said as he passed it back to me. I looked down at the bottle. "I know what you mean dude." I hate spewing my past and my thoughts out to a big group of people. And the only way i know how to get loose is to take a bottle to the face. It helps alot, Ill tell you anything under the sun as long as you hand me something hard. Other wise its like pullin out teeth. "Welp.Lets get this shit over with."  We walk in to the meeting and lo and behold, the anti christ himself is sitting right there in a sweater vest. "oh hell no." i said making a move to walk out the door. Steve grabbed my arm "Dawn come on man we got to be here by law."  Me and Steve are forced to be there from a little DUI charge. "fuck probation man, im not ganna sit here and have a casual conversation with Bob Sheldon without punching him in the nose." I stared at him with nothin but anger. "listen, i want to punch him in the face as much as the next guy but its not worth leavin and gettin jail time. If he tries anything we'll handle him as soon as we walk out of this place. But for now just pretend like hes not even here." I looked at Steve, closed my eyes and sighed. "screw you and your rationality." steve laughed and we walked to our seats. Everyone was introducing themselves, all stating that they were alcoholics or they abuse alcohol. I cleared my throat  "My name is Dawn and i drink as early as 7 in the morning." "My name is Steve and Ive been drinkin consistently since I was 13." Bob sheldon snickered and made a comment to some other sweater vest wearin' mother fucker sitting next to him. I attempted to swallow my words, and my pride, but sometimes it just doesnt work that way. "Hey you want to speak up a bit Bob? I dont think everyone heard what you said." Steve looked at me like he wanted to say something but just left it alone. "oh nothing, nothing." He said while he grinned at me. "I will not hesitate to kick your ass. keep it up." The meer sight of him gets my blood boiling. Bob laughed. "have some class." he said as he rolled his eyes. I began to lift out of my chair and Steve put his hand on my leg before i could stand. "lets all be civil here please were all here for an issue we have that were seeking help for." the head of the group said. "and im seeking to whoop his ass.." i said under my breath.

The meeting went by slower than anything. People told stories of how alcohol got them in alot of problems. and it wasn't that bad. some people had some really interesting stories. After me and Steve left Bob stayed behind and talked to some other socs. We got outside to the parking lot and I saw steve make a right. "Uhh, i might not be sober yet, but correct me if im wrong, didnt we park over that way?" I said ponting to Steves' car. Steve stopped walking when he got to Bobs' mustang and i walked over to him. "I told you I'd handle it." steve said with a devilish grin and pulled out his car keys. I started laughing "sucker." Steve quickley wrote I love dick on the side of Sheldons car with his key and then we were out of there. The ride home consisted of  discussing how hilarious sheldons face is ganna look when hes screaming and jumping up and down because now all of Tulsa knows the secret is out that bob sheldon is a homosexual ;). Steve dropped me off at my house and i hugged him goodbye. The lights were off in my house except for the flashing of the tv screen. I stood in the hall way and saw my dad  laying on the couch holding a bottle over his face trying to get the last drops into his mouth. When he saw there was none left he tossed the bottle at the TV in a drunken angry fit.I instantly recognized what kind of night this was going to be. He mumbled to himself and walked to the kitchen and then came back with another bottle of whisky. I walked slowly into the living room and stood infront of my wasted father. He didnt even notice me. I probably should of let him drink until he passed out. But deep down, somewhere in a small crevice of my heart, i still felt sorry for him. "Dad give me the bottle." I said calmly. "I cant see the TV..." he managed to utter out. "Dad come on.." I said a little louder. Hunter walked into the kitchen with a look of worry. "Move out of the fuckin way! im watchin somethin you little brat.." His voice echoed through our loveless home. Not once did he look at me throughout our conversation. " look at me you deadbeat!" I screamed. My body was shaking and my heart was pounding. His red, glassy eyes looked into mine, and he stood up slowly.  "Dont you ever talk to me like that! your a little bitch just like your mother." and with that he back handed me across the face. My cheak throbbed and my head spun as i lay on the floor holding my face. Hunter came over from the kitchen and punched my father in the face. My dad and Hunter fight once in a while. As soon as Hunt was old enough to fight back, he did. "get in your room." Hunter said. My eyes stared through my brother as he and my father fought. I got up and walked slowly to my room with no rush. I looked in the mirror at my swollen cheak and poked the forming bruise,wincing from the pain.The screaming outside of my bedroom door was pounding at my head and making my ears ache. I went to my top drawer, got my whisky, and drowned everything out with the easiest, most sufficient method i know, total intoxication. Like father, like daughter.

atleast were never alone

"can you open the door for two fuckin seconds? jesus christ, we just want to show you something." Hunter yelled as he continued to pound his fist against my door. "guys,Im attempting to be a good student and write this paper. Now can you kindly leave me the fuck alone? thanks." i put my head phones back in my ears. Its hard to concentrate on something you already hate doing when your brothers insist on interupting you every time you gain a slight bit of concentration. "I'm gettin a bobby pin" johnny yelled. 2 minutes later my door knob started jiggling and Hunter and Johnny barge in. "God im so getting a latch on my door." i said as i rolled my eyes. I pulled my head phones out and closed my text book. "this better be mind blowing."
"aright so I dropped spegetti sauce on my shirt, doesnt it look exactly like arnold schwarzenegger?!" johnny said excitedly as he pointed to a blob of red sauce on his shirt. "if i agree, will you leave and not come back?" i said unamused. "yea" johnny said. "spitting image." i said motioning my brothers towards the door. "your being lame Dawn." johnny yelled as they walked down the hallway. I closed my door and after another tedious half an hour i finished. I walked out of my room and i heard a bang in the kitchen. I looked in hunts room and he wasnt in there. they must of split when the arguing started. I walked past the kitchen as quickly and quietly as possible. My parents continued there screaming and throwing off pots and pans so i know they didnt see me. I made my way to the park and sat on the bench. I lit a cigarette and closed my eyes as i inhaled. I embraced the quiet and the cool of the dusky air. I called johnny to see where he went when he left. He told me that he and some people were at Bucks bar.  I called this guy named Casey who I get high with sometimes to see if he could give me a ride. Hes older and kind of creepy but it was getting cold and Bucks is pretty far from my house. after about 15 minutes a beat up mustang with the music turned up way to high pulled up on my right. i got in the car. "hey pretty lady" he said as  he put his hand threw my hair. "Hey." i said as i moved closer to the window. "where we goin?" he asked as he took out his bowl and began to pack it with the weed he got from the middle consol. "uhh bucks place." i said. He hit the bowl and passed it to me. He did a rough U-turn and sped off. He dropped me off at bucks place and i gave him a couple cigarettes for the ride. I walked in and saw johnny and Hunter at the bar talking to buck,steve,twobit and dallas."Heyy baby!" steve said as he sloppily kissed me on the cheek. "hey dont touch my sister man,whats wrong with u?" Hunter said giving steve a little nudge with his elbow, almost falling over as he did it. "okay i am wayyyyyy to sober for this." I said with a laugh. Everyone was already drunk out of there minds. I assumed  Buck wasnt to drunk since he was bar tending so i walked up to the bar and asked for jack and coke.  "parents at it again?" Buck said as he made my drink. "yea. its alright though, it didnt involve me this time." I said looking down. "you need somewhere to crash tonight? your brothers are staying here." Buck said as he tried to find my eyes. I looked up trying not to look to eager. "yea ill stay." I knew if i went back i wasnt getting any sleep tonight. After about an hour of messing around with my brothers and the boys i went upstairs and fell asleep on a dusty couch. It wasnt quiet, but it wasnt angry screaming.